I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
