Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
MIDGETS
????
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
