Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
