he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
