He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
