I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
