I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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