Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
