I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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