Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
its not stalking. its research.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
