I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize