Jerry, you need to find god
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
