I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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