so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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