so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
