We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
