this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
