There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
