she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
