if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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