the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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