You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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