I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
