I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize