herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
