I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
