fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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