Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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