I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Panties = found
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
