How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Screwed.edu
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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