so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
