you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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