i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
