you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize