My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
