maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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