when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
my sisters under your porch take her home
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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