why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
