I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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