just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
