i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
