he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
