dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
