I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize