just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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