Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
