Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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