Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
