It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
