Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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