i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
