I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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