I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
