The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize