I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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