It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Randomize
