it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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