I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
