Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
