They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
