I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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