He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
